Forgiveness

“Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.” Matthew 18:21, 22 NIV

This last month has been somewhat of a challenge for me. I have had to face a reality that I had comfortably been putting off for sometime now. My child’s father has moved back to the state we live in. My emotional life was a lot easier to deal with since he lived miles away. However, upon his return I was now faced with the not so easy task of “in your face” co-parenting. I have to look at him every time he picks our child up and drops her off. I had to show him the Saturday activities routine which meant we all had to occupy the same space for more than 5 minutes. Since he had been gone for 3 years I thought I had come to good place being a single parent. Since he was living out of state I really didn’t have to deal with him, only via phone and when he came to pick-up our child on his occasional visits. This also meant I didn’t have to deal with all the other emotional scars that had formed as a result of our break-up, and the reality that we have to still function for the sake of our daughter. The past couple of weeks have been very “new” and interesting to say the least. I had to come to terms with some things that I thought I was over, mostly anger with myself and with him regarding the outcome of our situation.

This scripture in Matthew kept filling my mind…I know I had to forgive him for the hurt and anger I was still holding on to, but the harder part was that I had to forgive myself. As I mediated over the scripture I began to ask, how can I forgive my brother seventy-seven times and I can’t even forgive myself once. I found myself having unhealthy thoughts about how I ended up at this place in my life, at this age, and with this much education (you know the rest)… What if I would have done this differently or made a better choice at that time. All these thoughts weren’t helpful at all. In fact they were only taking me in a direction that was taking me nowhere fast.

Then I started to focus on the fact that I needed to strive for a feeling of peace with the past and my present for the betterment of my future. So I began to think about how much better my life would be if I didn’t have to carry all these burdens that I was carrying that I really can’t change. I prayed on it for awhile and was able to focus on three things that God needed me to do in order for me to move to the place of peace that He has for me.

1) Repent for my sins (1 John 1:9) “If we confess our sins, he if faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” I had to self examine and be truthful to myself and Jesus about the areas of my life and this situation where I know I had sinned.
2) Forgive myself (1 John 3 18-20) “Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth. This then is how we know that we belong to the truth, and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence whenever our hearts condemn us. For God is greater than out hearts, and he knows everything.” Once you have repented and received forgiveness from God. Let it go, once you have asked for God’s forgiveness it is given and that is all that matters. No need to continue to be harder on yourself then God is on you.
3) Forgive your brother[sisters] (Matthew 18:21,22)

After completing these steps we can then be free to love better & stronger. Allowing us to be better parents to our children, co-parents with our exes, and just better over all people. Let us see how much easier life can be if we learn to continue to seek forgiveness from God, ourselves, and each other.